To You Jacinta

Dear Jacinta,

When I think about it long and hard, I could cry all day. I don’t know where to start from and I don’t even know where it will go. Your departure was so sudden I don’t even think I’ve had the opportunity to fully process what has happened. What happened? This is the question I’ve been asking myself for days now because I don’t understand how it all happened. I’m so confused. If I was to start putting up all the pictures that we have together, if I had to start collating all the memories we share, this post will not be enough to contain everything.

I remember the first day we met and you were so happy and excited. I’d never met someone so genuinely joyful and cheerful all the time and it was so refreshing. The freshness that comes from beautiful new flowers. That’s who you were and that’s what it was like to be around you. You were one of my best friends and we literally did everything together. From studying to partying, to praying and crying, to sharing secrets and doing all that over and over again. You helped me get my job at the uni café where we hooked our friends up with the best deals. ACS nights and meetings were the best with you and not to count the countless sleepovers we had. If my time at uni was one of the best in my life, it was also thanks to you.

This sucks. All this sucks. I can never message you and hear your encouraging words. I could always hear you smile even in texts. Your departure came out of nowhere. I was shocked and I couldn’t believe how quickly you were gone. I couldn’t even say bye and I wonder if I did enough. If I let you down. If I’ve ever disappointed you. I’m so sorry Jass. I’m sorry for all the sufferings you went through. I’m sorry for all the pain this sickness caused you. I wish I overcame my bad habit with phones and spoke to you more often. But I wouldn’t have known. And it sucks cos I wish things were different. That things went differently. I’m so sorry Jacinta..

One thing I’m grateful for is that you got to live your biggest dream and married the love of your life. He was definitely your one, God’s answer to your love story. His gift to you.

My dear friend. You were sunshine and joy personified. People used to tell me I was the life of the party but I knew you were definitely more than me. You taught me how to enjoy every win in life, big or small. You taught me to see beauty in everything around us, even in the little things. Even in the midst of complete dirt. Your death has taught me to always tell people how much I love them cos I will never know when I would ever see them again.

I’m happy you knew Jesus before you left and my heart warms at the thought that you are now forever united with The One that loved you more than you would have ever loved yourself.

You’ve impacted the lives of so many people and I know the earth has lost one of its biggest stars. You’ll never be forgotten my dear Jacinta. You are one of a kind and your star will shine forever. Whenever I feel sad or lost, I know I can look up and you’ll be up there, shining ever so bright, smiling at me as you always did. Thank you Jacinta. Thank you for everything. Until we meet again.

Love you to the moon and back,

Anna